In the eternal war of cupcake versus muffin I have found a winner.

There’s an eternal war?

Isn’t there?

No, cupcakes are better. How could there be war if we know who wins?

But that’s where you’re wrong!

Now don’t be silly. There’s no way muffins can beat cupcakes.

And why is that?

Well, cupcakes are sweet and fun and come in all sorts of flavors!

And muffins can have real fruit in them and taste great toasted with some butter.

But cupcakes are a dessert!

And muffins are as good as a dessert but are allowable for breakfast!

People make cupcakes in all sorts of cute designs.

Muffin tops are extra delicious, adding to the overall muffin joy.

Cupcakes are joyful.

So are muffins. But here’s the kicker.

There’s a kicker?

There’s a kicker. This ends the war.

All right, out with it.

Cupcakes need frosting to prove their worth. Muffins are superior while still not needing an additional toupee of sweetness.

A toupee of sweetness?

that would be what I said.

But the frosting is part of a cupcake.

You can get unfrosted cupcakes. And they’re sadder, aren’t they?

Well, yeah.

Unlike a plain muffin. Proving that cupcakes need add-ons to be great. Muffins don’t.

This isn’t right somehow.

You tell me how it’s wrong, then.

Well, it’s wrong because cupcakes are better.

Except they aren’t.

My whole world view is shattered.

I know. Give it time. You’ll adjust to the new muffin paradigm over time.

Poor cupcakes.

Toupees of sweetness. Their secret was bound to be discovered some day.

Poooooor cupcakes.