I think I hate cargo pants.

Really? I love them! So roomy! So many pockets!

Yeah. Until the cupcake happens.

Uhm? The cupcake?

I was out at a holiday party, wearing cargo pants.

Sure.

And I got kinda drunk.

Like one should at a good holiday party.

Exactly! Except I was explaining the Higgs-Boson to the guy and trying to eat a cupcake.

Cupcake physics sounds dangerous.

More than you know. I needed both hands so I shoved the cupcake handily right into a pocket of my cargo pants.

And then forgot it?

Utterly forgotten.

Oh no.

So I get home, still drunk, and just flop on the bed. I guess I heard a squish but I didn’t think about it.

Until morning when you woke up and reached your pocket to find cupcake?

Mashed in as if by the hand of God itself.

Wow.

That sort of thing always happens to me when I wear cargo pants, though.

Cupcakes? If you have magical cupcake summoning pants I would like to borrow them.

No! I mean I get drunk and if I’m wearing pants with big pockets, like cargo pants, I end up putting food in the pockets.

You’re a squirrel. Trying to store food for later use.

Which is why I hate cargo pants. Jeans have pockets that aren’t big enough so I just don’t try.

So, really, it isn’t that you hater cargo pants, it’s that you hate your strange pocket stuffing compulsion.

Pretty much.