Here you go.

Chicken soup?

It’ll help you feel better.

Don’t come to close, I think I have the black death.

You just have a flu!

Feels like black death. I hate being sick.

Awww, there there. You’ll be fine. Just have some soup and get some rest.

Rest? I think I’ve already slept a century away. I want to do things, not rest.

And what are you gonna do, huh? Stumble into a wall and fall down and lay on the living room floor?

Maybe.

Well don’t.

This sucks. I hate feeling this week. And sweaty.

Ick, you are sweaty. Maybe a shower?

Too weak for a shower.

I’ll draw you a bath.

I’ll fall asleep and die.

No, you won’t. I tell you what, I’ll stay around and watch a movie and if you don’t come out in thirty minutes I’ll come rescue you.

Fine.

But you better come out in under thirty minutes.

you said you’d rescue me.

Yeah but I don’t know how good I’ll be at it, so you’re much better off not needing me to.

Oh that’s peace of mind.

I’m being honest. Don’t try and die and you won’t die.

Let me just finish this soup first.

A last meal?

Not helping!

Can I have your stuff?

What?

When you die because of the black death and drowning. Can I have your stuff?

No!

See, you’re feeling better now, aren’t you? Less whiny, stronger?

Only because you’re making me want to strangle you.

There, now you’re strong enough to survive the bath and that’ll make you feel loads better too!

You think you’re helping don’t you?

I have put you firmly on the road to recovery!

Oy.

I’m a nurse for the ages!

Now you’re making me want to die in the tub.

Then I get your stuff, so I still win.

I’m gonna go take a bath and die.

Finish your soup first.