Ever notice that Swiss and American wont he cheese wars?

I missed cheese wars? That’s kind of sad.

I guess you did, then.

I don’t even remember cheese peace talks falling apart.

Well, think about it. If you go to a diner, say, and want something with cheese what are your options?

American…

Of course.

Provolone maybe, Swiss, yeah all right, cheddar a lot though…

Oh sure but at a minimum, isn’t it always American and Swiss?

Yeah I guess it is.

And that drives me nutty some days.

Well American is there because it’s just so cheap and inoffensive.

Yeah, it’s a cheap gimmie. And so bland it’s easier for people to not think about it.

It’s hardly even a cheese, it’s so bland.

Which is why Swiss.

Oh, come on, a good Swiss is tasty.

Yeah but do most places carry good Swiss or do they foist off the blandest possible thing you could still call Swiss on you?

I guess.

Exactly! It’s like when you go to a concert.

A cheese concert?

What’s a cheese concert?

I don’t know!

All right. But no, I meant a normal concert. And you want a beer. They’re all “domestic or imported” and the imported is Corona.

The lowest horrible denominator.

Exactly! So it is with cheese!

Now I’m just sad. It’s like we’re wasting all of this cheese potential.

The cheese potentiality of the universe is lessened by us, as a society. I can’t help but feel we’ll pay for that some day.

Uhm, pay for it how?

I don’t know. A cheese uprising?

The cheese isn’t alive.

Maybe enraged cheese enthusiasts will take giant wheels of cheese and attack citizens in open warfare!

I can’t see this happening.

Then I said nothing. If anyone ever asks you, we didn’t have this conversation.

Uhm, are you telling me you’re part of a cheese revolution underground movement?

Of course not! Shut up!

I can’t tell if you’re kidding or not, and either way it’s awesome.