I was wondering how many problems I actually have.

Don’t we all just assume we have ninety-nine, now?

Right, that’s where I started, but then I had to think about it.

You tried to actually count?

Well, yeah!

Huh, and what counts as a problem, then?

Exactly! So the first problem was “What is an actual problem that deserves to be counted.”

Slick!

Thank you!

So how many problems did you count to?

I stopped at, I think, twelve.

How can you only have twelve problems in life? Seriously.

Number twelve was “Counting the rest of my stupid problems.”

Oh, well that makes it clearer, huh?

I thought so.

So you have at least twelve problems and apathy is one.

Thirteen, now.

You didn’t count apathy?

I didn’t care enough to.

That’s some serious apathy.

Which is why I guess it goes for thirteen.

You really should’ve stopped at eleven. Everyone likes a dial that goes to eleven.

And… fourteen.

Having more than eleven problems so you can’t use a Spinal Tap joke is seriously a problem?

I want to hit ninety-nine!

But you don’t care enough to keep going after twelve.

Fourteen now!

Fourteen then.

And no, no I don’t. Which is why that is one of the problems. Fifteen if you add “Want to get there, don’t care enough to make them all interesting, thus invalidating the entire list.”

You’re making me tired.

Counting is hard.

Let’s bake cookies.