I am so sick of touchscreens.

Really? I love them. So much better than mouse and pointer interfaces.

They are, but they’re also just so… full of touching and smudging.

You can wipe them off.

Yeah but I also never want to lend anyone my stuff now.

You lent people stuff before?

Sure, a friend needs a laptop, there ya go, boom.

Oh I’ve always hated loaning people computers.

Well I do too, now. They give it back and the screen is covered in their fingerprints. I don’t want that.

No one wants that.

Except now everything is going touchscreen. Icky.

Not everything…

Everything! Watches! I saw a touchscreen watch!

Well, all right, yes everything.

I knew it! It’s a conspiracy or something. Some sort of… thing. A thing!

Touchscreens are far more intuitive thank anything else.

And covering in oils and grease.

Well, it isn’t that bad.

They all come with wiping cloths. That’s a hint.

Well it isn’t like people lick them or anything.

Oh my lord I am never borrowing another tablet from anyone ever!

Because now you’ll imagine them licking the device first?

Every time!

Licking and licking the screens then handing it to you.

Oh god, stop!

But it isn’t like they couldn’t have licked the keyboard of a laptop, too. So I don’t know how this is different.

I hate you.

I know.