Whatever happened to Fruit Roll-ups?

Nothing.

Really they still make them?

That brand? I assumed so , but the idea of flattened processed plastic fruit food? That hasn’t gone away.

That stuff was so tasty.

No it really wasn’t.

But you know, the part that always got me…

The horrible chemical plastic aftertaste?

I wasn’t expecting it to taste like Silly Putty.

And bounce?

And pick up newsprint.

So you would unroll your fruit sheet and press it against Dick Tracy?

Well, yeah.

And then eat it?

What else do you do with a Fruit Roll-up?

Insulate wires, but no, what if it had picked up newsprint?

Then it would have been even more awesome!

But you still would have eaten it?

Probably, why not?

Because you’d be eating newsprint.

The fruity taste would’ve masked it and I’m sure it isn’t harmful.

How have you lived this long?

Genes and luck?

Mostly luck, I’d say.

Still. They should’ve picked up newsprint.

Ew. No! Have you ever tasted newsprint?

Nope, here let me…

Mark!

Oh man that tastes awful.

You just licked my paper!

And it tasted awful!

Of course it did!

Not even a fruit thing could mask that. Wow you were right.

Thanks?

Man that tasted bad.

Like, oh, say, ink?

Oh, don’t be superior.

I will be, because I am, right now, far superior if you thought that was ever going to be a good idea.

Hmph.