So there I was, in the bathroom…

Just now?

Yeah, that’s where I — I just sat down, remember? Back from the…

Bathroom. Right. Go on.

So there’s this guy. Drunk guy. At one of the urinals.

Was he awake?

Yes, thankfully! What he also was, was a few feet back from the urinal.

Just peeing away?

With gusto. Mostly on his shoes, and the floor.

Mostly?

All right, totally.

So you managed to not get caught in the crossfire?

Did he pee on me? no. But I tried to let him know he was just spraying down the room.

Did you yell it like Tom Cruise out of control?

Can’t say I did.

Shame.

Well now that I think about it, yes. But anyway, so I told him, gently, about his situation.

And he listened and all was well and the birds sang?

And he started screaming racial slurs at me.

Wait, what?

Yup.

Scandinavian racial slurs? Do they even make those?

Not many, but yes. That doesn’t matter though, because he was screaming Japanese racial slurs.

Wait…

I know!

All right.

Yes. So then he stumbled forward a bit, muttering more about my Japanese heritage and slipped.

In his own pee.

Face first onto the floor.

Classic!

I rolled him over onto his back, just to be sure he was all right.

Good man. But uhm…

I rolled him over with a shoe, as a pee guard, yes.

There we go.

Yeah. But he was fine, short of a bloody nose.

And what have we learned from this?

Never wear wood-soled dress shoes on a tile floor if you’re going to pee on said tile floor.

I was thinking more “Don’t drink so much you pee on the floor.”

Well, that too, I suppose.