Man, Second Life is odd.

Is it? I am not current with my online oddities.

Well, it is. I mean it’s also a good place, but… I recently joined up there.

Uh-huh.

And I was fine with it, everything was good. Except.

Except what?

Well, I didn’t have a penis.

Wait, what?

I had no penis. In Second Life.

And that was a problem for you?

Yes! When my avatar undressed…

I do not think I want to hear the seedy details of your Second Life sex adventures.

No, no, no.

Uh-huh.

It’s just that when I changed his clothing the fact he was a Ken doll distracted me.

You missed looking at penis.

It disconnected me from the reality. Second Life works best when it feels real. But not having a penis totally distracted me from their reality.

And so you had to, what, think of yourself as a eunuch?

I could’ve, I suppose, but no, I decided to go buy a penis.

Oh God, no.

Yes. And this… I didn’t know how one went about that. So I started to ask people.

Excuse me, sir, where can I find a penis. You asked people this?

This was my mistake! People thought I was asking for sex!

I can’t imagine why.

But eventually I found a guy.

A penis guy.

Yes. I found a penis guy. And he sold me a penis.

And then you were a real boy! Does it grow when you lie?

No, but, what I didn’t think about… they look really… real.

Shouldn’t they?

Well, yes, but still. So now when I change my avatar’s outfit, I’m staring at some guy’s penis.

It is your penis!

No it isn’t. See, now it disconnects me in a different way.

I know what you mean.

Oh?

When I get my strap-on, it totally doesn’t look like my penis, and…

Natasha!

Sorry, go on.

Well I don’t know what to do now. I could just remove it.

It is a strap-on!

I suppose, in a sense.

Oh this is glorious madness, Sven. So I need to ask, does it have… you know…

Yes and they are very well rendered as well.

There’s a pick-up line. My testicles are very well rendered, want to come to my place?

Oh man.

So can I see it?

What?

Your penis, Sven, can I see your penis? Oh, and your balls?

I…

Your Second Life penis! Not your…

I know what you meant!

I mean, sure, if you’re in that kind of mood, we can compare and contrast but it doesn’t seem like you, Sven.

Why do you want to see my virtual self’s penis?

If it is this finely rendered, I would like to partake of the craftsmanship.

I can’t help but think this is a bad idea.

Probably!

If I show it to you, will you still be telling this story to everyone else?

Either way, you know that I will.

I figured.

Uh-huh! Let’s go looking at penises! Hooray!

Natasha…

Want me to show you mine? It’s purple.

Natasha!

Just trying to be fair! Still, let’s pay the check and go. I want to see this digital penis of yours.

Seriously? Right now?

No time like the now to go penis looking.

And there’s a life lesson for you.

It is!