I had a strange moment at work today.
Yeah?
I realized I have a stapler.
This is strange?
Well, yeah. I mean I saw it there on my desk, and it was as if I hadn’t seen it in months.
Did you just clean your desk?
No, no, that’s not it. I just looked over and there it was. Not moved in so long, not touched. I had gone blind to it.
You never use it.
I never use it. So seeing it, noticing it was strange, because the stapler is just a bit of dead technology to me.
We still staple things!
When was the last time you used a stapler?
Well…
Exactly. Now, in my job, I used to have to staple things all the time. But now, you know what I do?
You email them?
I email them! No printing, no stapling! When I have to print something either it needs to get bound in a binder or I just use a paper clip.
When in those cases why not staple it?
Because when I reuse the paper, if I’ve stapled it – it tends to jam in a printer.
Makes sense!
Right. So the stapler is just this artifact now. And I saw it and I felt kinda bad for it.
You felt bad for a stapler?
Well not for the stapler itself.
All right…
I felt bad for the people who make staplers, and I guess, staples.
Sure, hey!
What?
Think Staples, the company, will ever regret the name?
Like will people wonder why it’s named that, in a hundred years? Totally.
Yeah! “Mommy, what’s a staple?”
And the mom will be all “Shut up, it’s like an LP, don’t go there.”
Totally!
So we’re old?
We’re old.
Damn kids! Get off my office supplies!
Saddest old man yell ever.
Quite possibly.
May 4th, 2010 on 6:38 am
Damn kids! Get off my office supplies! – Slice of fried gold!
May 4th, 2010 on 10:24 am
Why wasn’t “staple remover” even mentioned??????
Sure, it’s one thing to suddenly remember the damned stapler, but the little thing that looks like a double-cat-claw that sits in your desk drawer..WHAT ABOUT IT?? Mine even has the name “stapler remover” etched on the metal part! Just in case someone picks it up and may think it’s something else…like a pimple popper or, worse yet, a ball remover. I shudder at the thought!But there it is…and it works and who came up with it..Joe Remover? The mind is a terrible thing…wasted or not!
May 4th, 2010 on 10:28 am
Erik: Hee!
Jack: You raise a good point. Staple removers really are wasted.But they go on to productive lives in Lego monsters, don’t they?
May 4th, 2010 on 1:44 pm
I have personally used a staple remover as an article of personal defense — well, okay, to pinch someone who needed to get out of my way, so call that the military definition whereby I was “defending my interests”. And also they make an awesome squeaky noise when they start to get old.
I need stuff that’s opposite of lube that makes hinged things squeak instead of be silent.
Also I stapled tons of things when I had a stapler, but was more likely to make staple-art or re-hem a pair of slacks than I was to make it hold two or more sheets of paper together, on average.
[*]
May 4th, 2010 on 2:58 pm
I kid you not, just yesterday a coworker asked me if they could use my stapler. It was buried in a drawer, but I found it and it was used. Then it was shoved back in the drawer. I’m all about paper clips too. I always forget about the staple remover, use my nails, poke myself, then get pissed. It’s just not worth it.
May 5th, 2010 on 2:51 pm
Las: Staplers are dangerous as art.
Angelynn: Yeah, staplers are so passe.
May 14th, 2010 on 1:24 am
lol
that is all.