Did you know they’re releasing C.O.P.S. on DVD?

Who wants to watch episodes of Cops over and over again? Once you’ve seen the guy dragged from his home at dawn wearing only bunny slippers and a beer slogan shirt…

Not that Cops. C.O.P.S. the old cartoon?

That show? Really? On DVD?

Better yet it’s volume two. As in we missed the first release.

Gee, I wonder how.

You never did like that show.

I never did! Fighting crime, in a future time! Come on! Dumbest show ever.

Now it wasn’t that bad.

No, it was. And I’ll tell you why.

Tell me why, oh arbiter of taste and cartoons.

It’s about time you got my title right, and for that I shall reward you with my wisdom.

Great wisdom giver! Starry starry, mighty mighty!

So in this show the cops are all cyborgs, right?

Right.

And so are the bad guys.

Well… yeah!

But, like, the main guy, who starts it all is badly hurt and gets a bulletproof cybernetic torso. A bulletproof torso! And suddenly no one can stop him.

Well they weren’t good shots.

Apparently.

Plus it was a kids show! They weren’t going to shoot the lead in the head!

Still. Plus they had those battle cries.

What?

You don’t remember?

I want to know why you do. Why do you recall this much of a show you hated?

It’s a curse. But seriously, they did. So the good guys would yell “It’s crime fighting time!”

Well it was, wasn’t it?

Only every day they got to work. Did they need to yell it before they went into a fight?

That way they could remember, “Hey, we can’t go see a movie, no, we have to fight crime.”

You’d think the bullets being shot at them would act as a clue.

They were bulletproof, kinda, so they didn’t notice.

The bad guys yelled “Crime’s a-wasting!” before a heist.

All right, that, you must admit, is kind of hysterical.

… Yeah fine.

So you admit, all knowing wise one, that part of the show was perfectly hysterical?

To adults! As a kid, maybe some kids thought that was the height of cool. And then, what, they go and try to do something illegal and get caught because they yelled their intentions first.

And now we come to the heart of the matter.

What?

That time you got caught shoplifting? The only time I can think of you ever even tried to shoplift.

What about it? I was a dumb kid sometimes, we all were.

Ah-ha! You got caught because you shouted that stupid “Crime’s a-wasting” slogan, didn’t you?

No!

Uh-huh. You so did.

I didn’t. And I know it doesn’t matter now because you’re going to claim I did forever.

Until you admit it.

But I didn’t!

Riiiight.

Argh!

Crime’s a-wasting!

Argh!