Episode 99 – Beep squeak.
So this morning I was on the train, going to work.
Yeah?
And I saw this woman. I mean she was a beautiful woman. Striking.
There are a lot of those here, have you noticed that?
A surprising number, but somehow I’m all right with it.
I can’t imagine why.
Seriously. So anyway this woman is there, and the train isn’t too packed.
Did you stare at her?
I tried to not stare. I did the glance and look away quick thing.
And she caught you staring?
No! I wasn’t staring but get this…
Yeah?
So I’m standing there and thinking my ride is only thirty minutes, max. So at best if she gets off after me, I have less than thirty minutes if I want to meet this woman.
You make it sound like a spy movie.
Totally. So I’m thinking up ways to maybe talk to her and she glances over at me and says hi!
Really?
Hand to God.
That’s awesome.
So I say hi and glance down to turn off my iPod and then I notice her bag.
There was something wrong with her bag?
It had a rainbow afro wig in it and giant shoes.
She was a clown?!
Well that’s what I asked. I blurted it really. Just all in a gasp. “Areyouaclown?” and then tried to… I don’t even know. I stammered.
Oh, Dan!
No, I know! So she looks at me and says yes. Big smile. This strikingly beautiful woman is a clown by trade! A clown!
You’ve always wanted to have sex with a clown, haven’t you? This is some horrible place we’re going.
What? no! I mean… maybe. Look, the point is she’s this hot woman, talking to me. So, sure, maybe she’s a clown by trade, what’s wrong with that?
Only the idea that it somehow turns you on. God, Dan, I don’t want you to be into clown porn. That’s just… no.
I’m not into clown porn! I don’t think clowns are, by nature, sexy!
And yet you want to sleep with a clown.
I want to sleep with this human. The fact she’s a clown doesn’t enter into it.
I don’t know. Do you want her to wear the wig of nose or shoes to bed?
Maybe once, just for the ability to say I have had sex with a clown, but not as a normal thing, no.
Daniel!
I’m being honest!
I need to be somewhere else. Somewhere there is no clown sex happening.
There is no clown sex happening here.
So do you have a date with her or not?
Well, yeah.
Ewwww! There’s going to be clown sex! I just know it! I’m going to know someone who defiled a clown!
Defiled a clown?
You sick-o.
Hey now!
Talk to the oversized lapel flower, because I’m not listening. Clown defiler.
Not yet, at least.
That doesn’t make it better!
I promise to not tell you about it.
Thank you.
But I bet she looks hot in only face paint and shoes.
Daniel!
I had to!
Ew!
Had to!
Ew ew ew!
I win!
No, you lose. You lose forever. Because ew!
Hahahaha!
Erik
January 19, 2010
4:00 am
Can’t decide if I’m with Mel or Dan on this. You do realise, if this catches on and becomes the new big fetish thing of the new decade we might have to name it after you…
Preparing for the awesomeness that will be episode 100, and the one year anniversary, I’ve just read trough all 99 strips. My face hurts now from smiling so much.
Takaal
January 19, 2010
9:14 am
Daniel totally wins. He had to.
APK
January 19, 2010
9:39 am
I wonder, though, how many women like that would fit in a subway car at once…
MrLich
January 19, 2010
10:36 am
I would totally want to meet a hot woman who was a clown by profession. Seriously? How could anyone not want to meet someone who had a rainbow afro in their bag?!
APK
January 19, 2010
12:23 pm
I… I have to say maybe me.
MG Ellington
January 19, 2010
12:48 pm
So funny and yet so creepy. Tim Curry as IT. ::shudders::
Devilflamejr
January 19, 2010
2:39 pm
Funny and slightly disturbing… great xD
APK
January 19, 2010
2:40 pm
Thanks!
cb4soul
January 19, 2010
6:59 pm
Nitpick: Line five should be imagine not image.
Clowns need love too.
APK
January 19, 2010
8:41 pm
Oops, thanks, fixed.
Wolfsblood99
January 20, 2010
2:39 pm
No, you lose. You lose forever. Because ew! OMG!!! That was so awesome I must use it on someone else! XD
Milkman Dan
February 4, 2010
10:38 pm
Do you want her to wear the wig of nose or shoes to bed?
APK
February 4, 2010
11:31 pm
Or both.