Dan So this morning I was on the train, going to work.

Mel Yeah?

Dan And I saw this woman. I mean she was a beautiful woman. Striking.

Mel There are a lot of those here, have you noticed that?

Dan A surprising number, but somehow I’m all right with it.

Happy Mel I can’t imagine why.

Happy Dan Seriously. So anyway this woman is there, and the train isn’t too packed.

Mel Did you stare at her?

Dan I tried to not stare. I did the glance and look away quick thing.

Happy Mel And she caught you staring?

Happy Dan No! I wasn’t staring but get this…

Mel Yeah?

Dan So I’m standing there and thinking my ride is only thirty minutes, max. So at best if she gets off after me, I have less than thirty minutes if I want to meet this woman.

Mel You make it sound like a spy movie.

Dan Totally. So I’m thinking up ways to maybe talk to her and she glances over at me and says hi!

Happy Mel Really?

Happy Dan Hand to God.

Happy Mel That’s awesome.

Dan So I say hi and glance down to turn off my iPod and then I notice her bag.

Mel There was something wrong with her bag?

Dan It had a rainbow afro wig in it and giant shoes.

Happy Mel She was a clown?!

Dan Well that’s what I asked. I blurted it really. Just all in a gasp. “Areyouaclown?” and then tried to… I don’t even know. I stammered.

Happy Mel Oh, Dan!

Happy Dan No, I know! So she looks at me and says yes. Big smile. This strikingly beautiful woman is a clown by trade! A clown!

Happy Mel You’ve always wanted to have sex with a clown, haven’t you? This is some horrible place we’re going.

Happy Dan What? no! I mean… maybe. Look, the point is she’s this hot woman, talking to me. So, sure, maybe she’s a clown by trade, what’s wrong with that?

Happy Mel Only the idea that it somehow turns you on. God, Dan, I don’t want you to be into clown porn. That’s just… no.

Happy Dan I’m not into clown porn! I don’t think clowns are, by nature, sexy!

Happy Mel And yet you want to sleep with a clown.

Happy Dan I want to sleep with this human. The fact she’s a clown doesn’t enter into it.

Happy Mel I don’t know. Do you want her to wear the wig of nose or shoes to bed?

Happy Dan Maybe once, just for the ability to say I have had sex with a clown, but not as a normal thing, no.

Angry Mel Daniel!

Happy Dan I’m being honest!

Happy Mel I need to be somewhere else. Somewhere there is no clown sex happening.

Happy Dan There is no clown sex happening here.

Mel So do you have a date with her or not?

Dan Well, yeah.

Happy Mel Ewwww! There’s going to be clown sex! I just know it! I’m going to know someone who defiled a clown!

Happy Dan Defiled a clown?

Angry Mel You sick-o.

Happy Dan Hey now!

Happy Mel Talk to the oversized lapel flower, because I’m not listening. Clown defiler.

Happy Dan Not yet, at least.

Angry Mel That doesn’t make it better!

Dan I promise to not tell you about it.

Mel Thank you.

Dan But I bet she looks hot in only face paint and shoes.

Angry Mel Daniel!

Happy Dan I had to!

Angry Mel Ew!

Happy Dan Had to!

Angry Mel Ew ew ew!

Happy Dan I win!

Angry Mel No, you lose. You lose forever. Because ew!

Happy Dan Hahahaha!