I am so sick of World War II!

Luckily for you then it’s over.

I only wish.

Mark? Is there something you want to tell me about Germans invading?

I wish! No it’s my downstairs neighbor.

Whatshername?

Yeah, the old one. She moved in a few weeks ago?

What’s going on?

She has two hearing aids.

Oh man, that sucks.

For me!

Oh no…

So she watches a lot of TV. Specifically the History channel.

All right.

And at first who cares, right? But over time… well…

What? She comes up to complain about her reception?

If only. No the last few nights I’ve tried to sleep to the ever increasing volume of World War II documentaries.

Oh that’s horrible!

Yeah. So I ask her if her TV is all right. I mean I can’t just tell her to turn it down, so I have to be subtle.

How’s she take it?

Oh fine!

Good!

She explained that as her hearing aid batteries die she turns up the TV volume. When the TV doesn’t go any higher she knows it’s time to get new batteries.

There have to be better ways!

There really do. So I tried calling the history channel…

What? Why?

To ask if they could show less World War II crap. I mean I think I hear the battle of Normandy for seven straight hours last night.

Did we win?

I lost. Personally. I know that.

So wait, what did the History channel guys say?

They laughed at me.

No!

Yup. And then, to make it worse?

You laughed.

I laughed.

So then they thought you were kidding.

Oh no, they believed me, they just suggested I buy her new batteries.

Maybe that’s her scam!

Huh?

Maybe she saves money on batteries for her hearing aids by driving her neighbors crazy so they buy them for her!

That’s genius! It’s mad genius!

Does it feel better to think you’re being played by a master criminal?

Actually it does. But I still think I’m going to fix her cable box so it only shows other things.

What could you stand to listen to all night that would be loud enough that she would think her hearing aid worked?

Huh.

Yeah, also how are you going to fix her cable box? What are you? Time Warner Man? Special cable channel powers?

That would be awesome!

With your sidekick, The Remote! Hey can I be The Remote?

You can totally be The Remote, if I ever get cable powers.

Score!