I need more socks.

What?

I need more socks.

Are you just out of socks?

No.

So how can you need more socks?

I mean it’s like ties, isn’t it?

It’s nothing like ties. First of all, they’re for your feet, but ignoring that difference, no one really sees them.

Of course they do!

You don’t wear socks with sandals do you? Dear lord, tell me you don’t.

I do not.

All right. So when you wear shoes how do people see your socks?

The gap. The… between your pants and your shoes, that gap? The sock gap.

You’ve named it.

The sock gap.

So you feel that the sock gap presents a special problem for you, fashion-wise?

Well, doesn’t it? I want, when I want an outfit to match and look good I have to wear the right socks.

This is why I wear boots. No sock gap.

So you are totally carefree when it comes to socks?

I truly am!

Well I’m not. I mean what if I’m wearing nice shoes?

Black socks.

But if the outfit is full of color! Brown shoes and brown slacks and black socks?

Perfectly acceptable.

No I think you might need brown socks in that case.

Well… all right.

and what if I’m wearing red shoes and…

You own red shoes? Not sneakers, but shoes? Dress shoes, in red?

Yeah.

Then you know what you should wear?

What?

Different shoes. Failing that, though, I’d go with some…

Black socks?

Exactly.

This is why you wear boots all the time.

Right now I couldn’t even tell you the color of my socks. They might not even match.

What if you go somewhere and have to take off your shoes? Then aren’t you worried?

Not in the least.

But…

Nope. Then I am with a friend of some sort. The odds of me having to show off my socks to someone who doesn’t already know me is so slim, I couldn’t care less. Let my friends see that I am uncaring toward socks! Let them!

You really feel no sock anxiety at all.

Not an ounce, I’m telling you.

That’s amazing.

No, you’ve got this backwards. It’s amazing that you care.

Hmph. I still need more socks.

If you say so, sockfreak.

I am not a sockfreak.

All right.

Thank you.

Sockfreak.