Goat Lady hasn’t been around.

Goat Lady?

I never told you about Goat Lady?

You have not, no. But just from the name I assume she takes the power of mountain goats and fights evil.

Not quite.

Oh. Not as cool. But go on, I suppose.

I’ll try not to disappoint.

You already have, Mark. You already have. But continue regardless, please.

Right then! So Goat Lady…

Not a super heroic goat powered vigilante?

Still no.

Super bad guy?

No! Can I just tell this?

I suppose.

Thanks.

Mmm-hmm.

See, on the train, going to work, there’s this woman…

Goat Lady.

The same. She gets on at Columbus Circle and gets off at Chambers. Every day.

Well I am spooked just hearing that.

Are you going to let me just tell this or are you going to interrupt every few seconds?

I’ll probably interrupt every few seconds, but thanks for the choice.

I hate you.

I know. So she gets on and off the same stops every day.

Yeah. But a few stops before she gets off the train she stands up and starts to knock on the doors. While the train is moving. Just knocking.

On the doors?

Yup. Endlessly. And laughing while she does it.

Knocking and laughing. What does she do when the train stops and the doors open?

She stops until the doors close. Then she starts up again. And when I say laughing I mean cackling.

So why didn’t you say cackling before?

I was building it up.

You felt the need to build that up? As if it needed some extra dash of spice?

It may have!

It did not. But go on, because I do not feel this behavior justifies her name. Wait, is this a name you gave her or something she announced one day?

One I gave her.

Right. Go on.

Thank you. So while she knocks and laughs, excuse me, cackles, she also bleats like a goat.

I… she… what?

She bleats like a goat.

She manages to knock on the doors, cackle and bleat all at the same time?

Well the knocking is constant. The laughter and bleating change off.

That’s…

HAHAHAHAH! Baaaaaaaa! HAHAHAHAHAHA! BAAAAAA!

Wow.

Except add knocking to that.

And she does this for how long?

Four or five stops. Then she gets off at Chambers and that’s all I see of her.

You’ve never followed her?

What, no!

You should.

Well I don’t know, but it’s moot. I haven’t seen her in a week. A solid week of no Goat Lady.

I wonder what happened to her.

Me too!

Maybe she moved? Or found true love? Or got picked back up by the asylum?

Anything is possible.

We should find out.

What?

Next time you see her, if you do, follow her. Ask her about her story. You have to find out the truth behind the glory that is Goat Lady!

… No I think I’ll just wait and see if she shows back up and if not, then I’ll simply cherish the time I had and move on.

Well that’s a let down of an ending to a decent, if pedestrian tale.

Pedestrian?

She didn’t once fight crime using goat powers, Mark! Not once!

Sven…

Not once!

I’ll, uhhh, ask her if she fights crime next time I see her, if I do.

Better.