I’ve never understood elevator music.
What’s to understand? It sucks. Do you need to know why it sucks? You know why it sucks?
Because it’s sucky?
Because it’s sucky.
Yeah but I mean, I know it is bad, but why is it… what it is?
Bad?
Sure but also just so bland.
Instrumental versions of various supposed hits don’t do it for you?
Oh yeah they turn me on.
I always knew there was something off about you.
But come on, it’s muzak. And muzak exists to try and make us calm.
Is that the point?
Of Muzak? Yeah it’s designed to be easy to listen to and non-distracting. But also relaxing, slowed down and all that.
Huh. Tricky.
Yeah, so my question is why do we need calming down to ride an elevator?
Or to shop!
No, shopping I get, shopping is, like, stressful. You take kids with you, you really want that last jar of peanut butter, sure. But an elevator? What’s the longest you’ve ever been in an elevator? Not stuck, but I mean one ride, on to off?
I dunno. A minute? Maybe three?
Exactly!
Two hours.
See that’s what I’m… what?
Two hours? Was the elevator to the moon? Spaceavator? SPACE INVADERS!
It was not a spaceavator.
SPACE INVADERS!
Normal elevator.
What did you do? Just ride it up and… wait is this the Empire State one?
If that trip took two hours can you imagine how many tourists would start shooting? No, and oddly enough I’ve never heard elevator music on that trip, which would be the longest elevator trip I’ve taken…
Except it’s broken up into two trips and you spent two hours once. So it loses twice.
It does.
So why did you ride to the moon in an elevator?
You know how it is. Just end up on an elevator and wonder how long until you get bored.
I have never, ever, wondered that. And I wonder strange things, sweetie.
I gotta say I never considered it but now I think I want to know.
It’s interesting. Don’t bring a book, just stand in the back of the elevator and whenever someone gets on and hits a floor make sure you’ve hit one higher.
And when someone else gets off at the top floor?
Just stay there. Look at your watch. Hit the basement.
No one minds? Security doesn’t care?
They didn’t seem to. I’m sure they thought I was crazy but come on, I was just riding an elevator.
Still!
Naw.
Where was this elevator?
Citicorp building.
The big atrium place thing?
Totally the big atrium place thing.
That place is nifty! They used to hold the Rube Goldberg competition display there!
Yeah! That was awesome!
So you just rode the elevator there for two hours?
Yeah. And the music didn’t keep me calm. I was already calm, I guess but the music was just there.
Your personal crazy does not invalidate a theory, Jake.
Awwww.
Sorry!
Does my crazy invalidate theories?
Nope.
How about peanut butter?
Yes. Your crazy invalidates peanut butter. What does that even mean?
I dunno.
September 29th, 2009 on 12:32 am
I am suddenly tempted to get a shirt ordered that says “My crazy invalidates peanut butter.” I don’t even know what that means, but it’s just crazy enough to make everyone I know laugh.
And muzak, I know, right? Weird stuff…
September 29th, 2009 on 12:58 am
HAhahaha I need to make new shirts and get the store links up on the site itself this weekend hopefully.
September 29th, 2009 on 1:06 am
I should say for the record that riding the elevator in the Mariott in Times Square is actually entertaining all on its own, and it doesn’t even have muzak. All glass tube that shoots up disturbingly fast.
September 29th, 2009 on 1:49 am
HAhah this is true!
September 29th, 2009 on 9:58 am
Put me down for one of the “My Crazy Invalidates Peanut Butter” shirts…! (Although if it comes in totebag form, I’ll take two of those. I have a totebag problem.)
September 29th, 2009 on 10:01 am
All right I’ll get the store fully up and new shirts added this weekend. And maybe some totes if I can.
September 29th, 2009 on 10:56 am
APK’s crazy, however, does invalidate space and time in certain dimensions.
September 29th, 2009 on 10:58 am
IT’s TRUE! I can make trucks vanish!
September 29th, 2009 on 12:29 pm
Might I suggest you visit THE STORE for those shirts you wanted?
September 29th, 2009 on 5:15 pm
Takaal; I should never read comments while sleep deprived. I read your comment as “Although if it comes in TEABAG FORM, I’ll take two…” And of course, I’m not talking the type of teabag you dip in hot water.
I think we need a “Peanut Butter: Invalidated by Crazy” sticker made, run around supermarkets slapping them on random jars of peanut butter. ;)
September 29th, 2009 on 5:41 pm
I second that! =)
September 29th, 2009 on 7:48 pm
I will not publically condone the use of stickers on products not owned by the user. Also, I can’t make stickers.
September 29th, 2009 on 11:52 pm
What about buttons? I like buttons. Not that you really need to make them. I’m just obsessed in general. (but I would totally put one on my bag if you did)
I love everything about this.
September 29th, 2009 on 11:54 pm
I will have to look into buttons!
October 2nd, 2009 on 10:59 pm
So this one time I stood in an elevator doing exactly that. Just standing there. I didn’t even pretend to push any buttons. Someday, I plan on filling an elevator with office plants and putting sunglasses and a note that says “They’re watching you” onto one of them. Does my crazy invalidate peanut butter?
October 4th, 2009 on 10:22 am
No one can determine that but you.
October 9th, 2009 on 4:34 am
Just had to jump in on this one (missed the boat slightly) to say that I may be the only person on the planet that enjoys elevator music. The weird, up-tempo, light jazz-y stuff. I wouldn’t say it’s my favourite, but I’d quite possible buy a CD of “Elevator Greatest Hits”.
October 15th, 2009 on 3:29 pm
Yah that’s all you.
October 15th, 2009 on 6:42 pm
*is retiring from commenting on strips for a while due to greasy fingers*
November 24th, 2009 on 2:53 pm
I don’t like elevators they lurch and there’s all that depth below them. And the crack from the elevator and the walk way that is especially horrible.