I hate conventions.

Like scientist conventions? You all go and … science at each other?

No, I mean Science Fiction conventions.

I like conventions!

I’ve never gotten into them. I mean I enjoy the literature and all…

It’s the people you don’t like?

The people at cons are nice!

Come on, Melina, some of them are creepy.

He’s got you there.

He does not “got me” anywhere. Sven, you’re just not open to different things.

Oh I am fine with different. People who love literature, who want to wear corsets and whatever silly thing is in fashion, that’s fine. Fine.

But?

The hard core fans. The ones that make me wonder if possibly I am far too normal for my own life.

The furries.

There’s nothing wrong with furries!

Melina…

They happen to just be different that’s all.

So when a furry walks in…

With an itty bitty wolf waist and a big tail, do I get sprung? Is that what you’re asking?

Not in Sir Mix-A-Lot’s words, exactly but…

Wait, Melina are you about to come out as a furry to us?

What? No she isn’t… you aren’t, right?

I am not a furry.

All right then.

I have some friends who are furries, though. Nice people.

Before or after you get them out of the three feet of foam?

Not fair!

But funny.

And what if I was a furry, Jacob?

See that?

What?

She calls me “Jacob,” it means I’m in trouble.

I’m just curious. Would it matter?

Well, yeah!

Why?

Because I don’t want to sleep with a squirrel? I mean look I loved Rescue Rangers as much as the next guy…

So long as the next guy is Mark, I’m guessing. Because I don’t even know what that is.

Disney cartoon? Starring Chip and Dale?

The Chippendales had a cartoon?!

No, no, no. Chip and Dale. They were chipmunks, in a cartoon. Disney characters.

Oh, that makes more sense.

Much.

But, Jacob, you were explaining how you wouldn’t like me as much if I were a furry?

It isn’t that. I just … it’s not my thing. If you were all about leather and S&M and nothing else I wouldn’t be into it either. It’s not that the idea is bad, just not my thing.

You seemed bothered by the whole idea of furries though.

Sven was bothered by it. I just … it’s not for me. But if they want to parade around in fursuits, I mean it does me no harm, right?

Do not make me into the bad guy here.

Well!

I just don’t get it.

And you said they were creepy!

They are creepy! It is creepy to see grown people dressed in foam animal suits, I’m sorry.

So Disneyland is creepy?!

Uhm. Yes?

It totally is!

Yes, all right, it is. But that isn’t what I meant.

I’m sorry I find furries creepy.

You should be.

You’re sorry you mentioned it, you mean.

That too.

Hey!

I am sure they are nice people. Underneath all the foam… or something.

Never mind the Klingons.

Why! Why do they go to such lengths?!

Yeah, I got nothing.

You’ll defend furries but not Klingons?

I never claimed to make sense!

She’s got you there.

Yeah.