All right, Jake? We’re going to go into potential racist territory. You’ve been warned!
Oh, hit me, man!
So last night, Eric comes over, and while we’re eating he mentions an article he read. And we discussed it and everything makes more sense now.
What things?
Did you know that watermelon has a bunch of citrulline in it? And that citrulline does kinda what Viagra does?
I did not know that. Uhm. Ok?
Well it makes sense now! All the sexual stereotypes of black men!
Oh does it?
Yeah, they have bigger dicks, “once you go black you never go back,” it adds up!
Oh no.
‘Cause all you guys eat a lot of watermelon! See?
You bastard! HAHAHAH!
But it’s true! The watermelon thing!
That all black people eat a lot of watermelon?
No, well I mean maybe, but no, the citrulline thing. Totally true.
Oh. Shit, does fried chicken has any special powers?
The special power of deliciousness.
Amen to that.
See, I didn’t even make a gospel music joke and there you are! Amen’ing me.
I can’t say amen now?
You can say whatever your pretty little heart desires.
Sometimes, Mark. Sometimes.
Mmmm?
I hate you.
Oh, I know.
But what’s even worse?
Worse than hating me? Oh there have to be a lot of things worse than hating me. Leprosy comes to mind. Carrot Top. Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head…
What?
The band.
there’s a band called Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head?
Yeah, and they kind of suck. They are, in fact, worse than hating me. Let’s see, what else could be worse…
Shut up! No what’s worse is that now I want watermelon and fried chicken.
Shit, so do I.
And yet, here we are.
Yup.
You could text Melina. Have her stop by?
Lazy bitch, we could also finish our drinks and go get shit ourselves.
Well played!
Thank you. Besides can’t just walk in here with a bucket of chicken and a watermelon, what the hell?
No, but it’d be funny to try.
I can see it now. “And get me Colt 45!”
Man. Lando was the shit.
Is he Lando Williams or Billy Dee Calrissian, do you figger?
I figure he’s whatever name he wants to be. Or just Lando. I also figure we should go get some fried chicken and watermelon.
I figure you’re right.
July 16th, 2009 on 9:05 am
Dammit, now I want some watermelon.
July 16th, 2009 on 9:12 am
Need a pick me up?
July 16th, 2009 on 9:45 am
mmmm Watermelon is sounding good I shall pick some up during the shopping today!
July 16th, 2009 on 1:20 pm
Haha! We had that very meal a couple weeks ago. Ladies: make your man wait a good twenty-four hours to instigate “relations” after watermelon consumption. ‘Cause seriously. Ow. I also don’t recommend it on a stomach full of KFC.
July 16th, 2009 on 1:21 pm
DKM: There’s a “seedless” joke here but it’s too easy.
July 16th, 2009 on 6:37 pm
Everybody seems to be focusing on the watermelon, so I’ll just add: Fried chicken rules!
July 16th, 2009 on 6:39 pm
It so does!
July 16th, 2009 on 7:05 pm
Oh… oh, man.
Also: I want some fried chicken STAT! Mmmm… friiieeed…
October 15th, 2009 on 4:44 pm
…Fried chicken..but it`s 2:15 in the night.. *sobs like a little girl*
P.S. Once more your name has come in its full form,oh mighty creator of daily humor!
October 15th, 2009 on 4:45 pm
Correction. Bi-weekly
November 24th, 2009 on 12:57 pm
*Weeps* I wasn’t hungry. I’m trying to loose gut fat and now I’m hungry! I HATE YOU ALL! XO TOT