Episode 38 – Epically epic.

06.18.09 12:01 am by APK. Filed under: Jacob, Natasha, Sven

Sven Hey.

Jake Oh man, you missed it!

Sven I did? What did I miss?

Happy Tashi The epic of last night. The truly, utterly epic.

Jake Epic the likes of which we have almost never witnessed!

Sven Why did you not call me, then?

Tashi Too busy. Epic, dearling. You don’t understand. But epic.

Jake Guy came in, just a guy, I dunno. He came in and it was his birthday. So he and his friends were sitting over by the window. You know the broken one?

Sven The one with no latch?

Tashi Yes, the one you never sit at when it is windy.

Sven Well I do not, no.

Happy Tashi I enjoy a nice breeze.

Jake Anyway! Right? So he sits there and his friends and they’re having a good time. Singing happy birthday and stuff to him, it’s all fine. And then he gets it in his head that he wants to celebrate with something special to drink.

Sven Special as in umbrellas or flaming?

Happy Tashi Flaming!

Sven So he got the shot burned his lips?

Happy Jake That would be sad, predictable and not at all epic.

Tashi No, dearling, no. He gets his flaming shot. And he goes to drink it.

Jake He starts to get ready to blow it out before drinking it. He’s got it under control.

Happy Tashi And then…

Happy Jake He sneezes!

Happy Sven Oh no!

Happy Tashi And the shot jostles and he drops it. It does a dance, right in his hand, and he wants to catch it. You can see it in his face, like prom night and the glass is his date and there it goes – laughing all the way down to set fire to his crotch.

Happy Sven What did you do at your prom Natasha?

Happy Tashi Set fire to my date’s crotch!

Happy Jake Wait, what?

Tashi Grabby boy. Simply grabby. I had matches. He had a crotch. Anyway!

Happy Jake Yah, moving away from Carrie for a second here. Yikes. So he sets his pants on fire! And then, I mean, like you do, he gets up and starts to scream and slap at himself.

Happy Sven Oh this poor guy.

Happy Tashi And his friends are all helping, not thinking, just slapping and punching him in the crotch, to help, you understand. But it spilled all down his pants, so then he tries to take his pants off.

Jake Except, of course, hello you’re in a bar so there’s a fire extinguisher. Which is now being carried up, to put the fire out. But by the time they get it ready this guy is pantless, jumping up on and down on his pants. In shock and pain from being hit in the crotch so often.

Happy Tashi And then, oh goodness, then … they just …

Happy Jake It all happened so fast, you know?

Happy Sven What?

Happy Tashi They fired the extinguisher anyway.

Jake Picture it. Set fire to your crotch, have four friends punch you, repeatedly, in the dick and then have sub-zero temperature foam and liquid sprayed over it.

Happy Sven Oh. My. God.

Happy Tashi Becky, look at her butt.

Happy Jake Beat me to it. But yes, so the guy goes down, like Indiana Jones had been by. Stealing the jewels from the natives. Yoink! And he’s on the floor, and, I swear to God, man I swear this is how it happened. Mark yelled out “Five bucks if he does another flaming shot!”

Happy Sven He did not!

Happy Tashi He did!

Happy Sven Why am I not hearing this from Mark?

Happy Jake Two day bar ban for almost starting a fight!

Happy Sven A fight?

Tashi They figured if they could have moved much he would’ve taken a swing so…

Angry Sven That’s bullshit!

Happy Jake Did we, did we mention the guy, you know, Long Gone Ballsack, he’s related to Richard somehow?

Sven Owner Richard?

Jake Owner Richard.

Sven Well damn.

Tashi Yeah just a two day, and worth it. We only came by tonight to see if they meant it. But we’re heading over to Mark’s soon. Come with?

Happy Sven Totally!

Happy Jake But first! Flaming shots!

Happy Tashi Hooray!

Happy Sven No way. No. No.

Happy Tashi Flaming shot! In memory of what’s-his-name!

Happy Jake Long Gone Ballsack?

Happy Sven Crotch Rocket?

Happy Tashi Johnny LaLoosh!

Angry Jake Who?

Sven Prom date?

Tashi Yup!

Happy Jake To LaLoosh!

Happy Sven LaLoosh!

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