I don’t generally have a problem with kinky things, you know?

Sure. Like, sex stuff or mangled phone cords?

Sex stuff. So this girl I’ve been seeing…

Carla?

Yeah. And I like her a lot. She’s smart, funny, attractive…

The three words that mean “and yet there’s trouble.”

It’s true. I don’t mind kinky stuff, generally. I’ve smacked my share of asses, cuffed my share of handcuffs, that sort of thing.

Light simple stuff, nothing too hardcore, not your scene? Not putting her in a gimp outfit and making her bark your name in morse code?

Not this week, anyway.

So what’s the Rubicon?

Water sports.

Like she wants to do it on a jet ski?

You know exactly what I mean, Mel.

No!

Yup.

She wants you to … pee … on her?

She would like it, yes.

You haven’t!

I haven’t.

Good, that’s just … look kinky is one thing. Even if you aren’t into it, some light kink, that’s fine.

Agreed.

But peeing on someone? That’s like the Army.

Like the Army?

It’s not a job, it’s a career!

Oh lord. It hurts.

It’s true though! Who want’s that? Who would? I mean … no I am being close minded. I should be open to life.

Not all of life. I don’t get it either, though it could be worse.

No, don’t go there. Poop is not acceptable. Ever. No. Stop.

I was just saying. Could be wor—

No! Shush!

But it—

Hush it!

So anyway! Yeah I got around it last time but how do I tell her no way and not insult her or anything?

Well, I have no idea.

I mean I have to tell her.

Yeah you do. Maybe they make a card?

A “Please don’t ask me to pee on you” card?

Maybe a singing telegram?

Oh dear lord. What would it sing?

Singing in the rain? Wait no, wrong message!

I really do like her though. This sucks.

Awww I didn’t mean to make fun of it too much, Dan, I mean that does suck.

Yeah.

Well, uhm, maybe you could just tell her?

Just flat out?

Well nicely, but yes.

I could. I probably should.

Yeah because otherwise, I mean I have the number for a party clown…

Just out of a cake, spritz her with a fake flower…

Wrong message again!

Damn it!

And clowns don’t jump out of cake. Those are strippers.

Clowns just out of strippers? I am never going to another party you throw.

Ack!

Hey, look it’s Tiffany and … OH MY GOD! ALIEN! No, that’s just Binky the clown.

You made me swallow a shrimp. A whole shrimp!

So? Poor Tiffany had an entire clown inside her.

Oh that Tiffany, not the first time she’s had a whole clown inside her.

So wrong!

But oh so right!