So I’m at work today, just sitting at my desk and this guy comes over. Bad suit, worse tie, you know? And he stops and looks at me. I mean he stares hard until I finish a call and give him my attention.

And then he asked if you knew Morpheus? Misssster Dixxxxxon.

That’s what I was waiting for, but no he gives me a look, reaches into his pocket and hands me an envelope.

You got served?

I have, like Voltron, been served.

Damn, man, what did you do?

Well that was just it, I had no idea. I don’t owe anyone money, I…

Wait, student loans?

Just paid them off! Woo! Welcome to being me.

Damn you, I still have a few years.

And I’m, what, a year older than you?

Didn’t stop us from hanging out at school.

No, sir, it did not. Still, that was an epic senior year, huh?

It was. I mean I didn’t think I’d stay in New York.

That’s the secret of going to NYU. The city lashes you with mind rays, they’re in the park, and it ends up with you staying here.

That must be it. It was bad enough I talked Melina into moving here, even.

Those rays are strong, I’m telling you. Oh man, Melina. When she first got here.

I know! Her big eyes, floppy hat, the whole…

She couldn’t have been more Mary Ann trying hard to be Ginger if she planned it.

I know! And I thought you were after her.

Which I still don’t get. I mean you knew I was gay. You, wait, you did know I was gay, right?

Mark, everyone knew you were gay. But Mel, you know…

History of being a fag hag? Yeah, I could tell. But oh, man those were the days.

Damn right! School all day, drinking all night? Awesome.

Not that… I mean we worked all day, today. And we’re at a bar now, drinking. So, really…

Ha! We’re awesome!

Yes we are, my friend.

So wait, what were you served for?

Oh, right, right, yah, so bad suit guy gives me the paper, does the whole served thing and leaves. And I’m stuck there trying to figure it out.

Like Kreskin? Not opening the envelope but trying to work out what it says inside?

Right, but I can’t think of anything. Nothing. Total blank. So I open it. Now, get this. Do you remember Kelly? DeHavernous?

Crazy bitch?

That’s the one!

She’s suing you?

Paternity suit.

You never slept with her!

That’s what I thought!

So what the hell, man?

I don’t know, she got knocked up, I guess, right before or after she left town?

Before I would think if she’s pinning it on you.

Well sure, except that we’ve never slept together.

Sure, bring logic into it, but anyway, crazy woman has a kid?

So it seems. And yeah, she thinks the kid is mine.

Well, we knew she was crazy. So what are you going to do?

Well legally I have to have some blood drawn by a doctor and so on. Whatever, I’ll do it because we both know that kid isn’t mine.

Yeah that has to be a safe bet. I wonder why she thinks it’s yours?

I don’t know, but I also don’t want to call her and find out.

Wait, call her? You have a number for her?

Huh? No, but how many DeHavernouses can there be in Blacksburg?

She moved to Blacksburg? Virginia?

She’s crazy. We established that, right?

Sure, but. Wow. Who moves to Blacksburg? On purpose?

Kelly DeHavernous.

And now we know.

And knowing is half the battle.

Dude, half the battle is not living in Blacksburg.

Anyway, yah. So that was my day, how was yours?