So hey, Mark?

Yeah?

The other night, while we were out? Eric, you know Eric?

My boyfriend? I am acquainted, yes.

Well he told me he was afraid of vagina.

What?!

He didn’t mean, like…

He’s afraid of vagina? Why? What does he think it could do to him?

You have to admit it is an odd phobia to have.

He didn’t mean it like that! All right, I mean, he meant more along the lines of … Mel, you know how you are scared of those tiny horses?

Those tiny freaky horses. They’re like toys. Toys with hooves that will kill you. Brrr.

Sure, but you like ponies.

Well, ponies! I can’t help it if you don’t see the difference.

All right, sure, but he didn’t mean it in the tiny horse sense. He meant it more along the lines of, Jake you know how you would feel if another penis rubbed against you?

Uhhh?

You’re minding your own business when suddenly, WHAP!

Whap?!

Whap.

Ack!

Right. That’s how he feels about vagina. It doesn’t scare him, not really, he just feels all … ack, about them up close. Like, Mel, how you would feel with another vagina rubbing against you.

Well that’s a bit harder to have happen, isn’t it?

I guess?

No I see her point. I mean a penis, well it’s out there. Poke, and there you go, touched by a penis.

Touched by a Penis was not on CBS. I would remember.

So would I. But all right, Jake?

Well vaginas … stick out less. That’s all.

He’s right.

I… yes, Jacob understands basic biology. But my point still stands. Some people feel odd about genitalia of the wrong type touching them.

I guess I’m just used to it.

What? Used to being touched by dick? I did not know this.

No, touching people with my dick, accidently.

What?

Well it’s so big…

Oh no…

Like circus freak big.

Really?

No.

Yes.

Can I hold it for a second then?

What?!

Uhm, excuse me?

No, really, I mean if it’s that big, like, I just …it’s  like cuddling midgets, you know?

Nope.

Wow I’m so confused right now.

I have a, I guess it’s a thing, for circus freaks.

This just got interesting.

No, it’s true. I love to hold them, or touch them. I just need to. I can’t explain it.

So, you mean, rubbing the bearded lady’s beard?

Yeah! Or cuddling the tiniest man alive, giving the indian rubber lady a good arm shake, you know how it is.

I really don’t. I really, and I can not stress this enough, don’t.

Well I was kidding, it isn’t circus freak large.

Damn.

Also I don’t think most midgets would like being called circus freaks, Mel.

I didn’t mean it like that, I meant those circus ones, the tiniest people alive guys.

Right, she was just using a … short hand term for it.

Oh that was bad.

That hurts, Mark.

Score.