So here’s what I don’t get.

What don’t you get?

I’m telling you. I don’t get those puzzles that tell you how to solve them.

Excuse me?

You haven’t seen those?

No, thank god.

Go to Barnes and Noble. They have these puzzles that have, like, numbers on the backs of the pieces. It’s the stupidest thing since … stupid was invented.

When was that?

Millions of years ago. Some amoeba were all splitting and suddenly one of them went “derrr” and we had stupid. Sadly, it split again.

Wait, ok back up. So these puzzles have numbers on the back and you just sort them and slap them together?

Exactly so.

At Barnes and Nobles?

Barnes and Noble.

Nobles.

Noble.

Are you sure? I always think it’s plural, the Noble part.

It isn’t. Singular Noble. Barnes? Lots of them. Noble was a lone book wolf.

A … really, sir?

Sure, that’s how the company was founded. The Barnes family roamed the country like gypsies, stealing books from camps, all around, and slowly circled the eastern seaboard on their mad quest.

Like the … what late 1800s?

Sure, exactly. Anyway the law almost caught up with them when a man rode out of the darkness. Noble. He rode hard that night and saved the entire Barnes family.

Sure was nice of him.

Nice? It was his duty! He was a book mercenary and he was after them for himself. Now once he had them, well things changed. Noble suggested they team up and sell back the book hordes they had stolen earlier.

And thus the bookstore.

Thus the bookstore!

What about, like, Doubleday?

Doubleday is another name for TWO-FACE!

The Batman villain?

Mmm-hmmm. Which is why you shouldn’t shop there.

And Amazon?

Wonder Woman, hello.

So. But. What does that have to do with books, this sudden superhero…

Shhh! You’ll give it all away!

Give what away?

Exactly!

All right, no more waffles for you, waffle boy.

I still have syrup left.

I… fine, hurry it up. But no more crackpot theories.

Hmph.