You know that new Vietnamese place on Seventh?

Yeah. The one with the big stuffed buffalo in the window?

That’s the one.

Why is there a big stuffed buffalo in the window, anyway?

It’s not the sort of thing you ask. Well, no, it’s not the sort of thing I ask.

Right! Because I would ask.

You would have! You still should. Except don’t.

Why not? I am really curious about that thing. It’s a stuffed buffalo. In the window. Of a Vietnamese place. No part of that is right.

Agreed. But still don’t do it.

And why not?

Because the food sucks.

Well that’s a shame.

It is, I really wanted some pho last night.

Which makes it the same as any other night.

Pho is good. Their pho is not. Their pho is…

Phew?

Yes! Their pho is phew. No, I took an order to go, because I didn’t want to sit there all night, eating and watching a stuffed buffalo.

And why not?

It would have driven me crazy! But anyway I got an order to go and got home and cracked it open. Hot, tasty pho smells filled my apartment. I carefully grabbed some chopsticks and…

All right! Enough! This is sounding like a food version of Penthouse Forum.

You would know?

You’ve never read Penthouse Forum? Come on! It’s the best, stupidest thing around.

No, what, no, of course not!

Why is it that guys never admit to reading porn but women do? Whatever. The point is you’re creeping me out about your pho. Next comes a bit about how the pho wasn’t sure what it wanted, but it looked so good in its tight dress. then you awkwardly think that this could never happen, not to you, but you can’t stop yourself from trying.

Well, basically, yeah. But it wasn’t wearing a dress. The point is that the pho, when placed in one’s mouth, tasted horrible.

Blargle!

Well said. So I stirred them a bit, thinking maybe it was a stirring issue.

Has it ever been a stirring issue?

No.

So you were playing with your food, in hopes of … a miracle?

When you put it like that? Yes, exactly. But anyway, I put them in the fridge, after giving up.

Because bad food should be kept for further study.

Well no, I just, I can’t give up on pho, you understand. So I grabbed some sauces and took it out, I don’t know, about two or three AM. I was up, I was hungry. So I doctored the noodles a bit and made them at the least edible.

Now you’re not only playing with your food you’re playing doctor with it? I’m out.

It wasn’t like that.

Then what was it like? Mengele noodles?

That’s a bit harsh.

Just asking.

No I dealt with the pho and…

Wait but that was just the noodles. How was the rest of the pho? The broth, the beef?

Those were acceptable. Well no, the broth killed the noodles. I was doctoring the broth, too, obviously.

Obviously.

But anyway don’t go there.

But the buffalo!

It’s a warning sign from the elders. Sucky Pho. Traditionally symbolized by a buffalo.

Oh. Well. Fair enough.