Thanks for the drink.

Of course.

You know what I like about you?

You like that he buys you drinks?

She does.

I do. But also I like that you’re so polite about it.

I am one polite motherfucker.

You’re polite like rabbits are cute.

It’s almost disturbing how polite you are.

Dearling, I do believe they’re making fun of you.

Of course they are. They are simply jealous of my polititude.

Politeosity?

Polititation?

Polititude. They can’t stand how refined I am.

Now, dearling, I would not go as far as that. You are hardly refined. You are just polite. My guess is that it is out of fear. Probably, yes, truth’s there, fear.

What? You’re turning on me, too, now?

Come to the Dark Side, Tashi.

Dearling, I own property there. But it’s true. What do you fear so much that it drives you to be polite, Mark?

Kittens? Are you afraid of kittens? No, who’s afraid of kittens? That’s dumb. Never mind.

I am not afraid of anything, least of all kittens. I am polite because I enjoy being polite!

Now that is bullshit. You’re polite because you worry about not being polite.

Oh, come on!

No, Mark dear, you are polite, it is true, but there is something else.

Now a guy can’t just be polite for polite’s sake?

Why so angry? No, of course they can.

They totally can!

All right then.

But you aren’t.

Oh for fuck’s…

Do you fear that if you aren’t so polite that people won’t like you?

You know, when we first met I wondered about him. He was shifty. He didn’t trust easily and he was anything but polite. Yeah, that’s right now that I think about it. He was a rude guy, Mark. But over the years he grew polite. Polite out of FEAR!

Wow. All you needed was “In a world…” at the start there and I mighta asked for a ticket.

First of all! First of all, Jacob, I met you when I was about, what, five?

So I should know whereof I speak!

Secondly this is all getting out of hand. I mean, seriously. Do you want me to be rude instead? Would that make you happier? I can do rude. I can be rude. I can be so rude…

No you can’t.

Yes I can! You watch me!

Mark, honey, no you aren’t rude. You’re polite. Strange, random and odd as hell but polite. I mean you can fake being rude, but really you’re a polite little guy.

Little guy?

Well not little. I mean not if what Natasha said is…

Woa there! What?

I said nothing.

No, you told me about that time…

Wait, what time? There was a time? First I hear about pictures and now times? What’s going on here!

Nothing is going on here. There was no time, there were no pictures.

Exactly.

That’s not what you said the other night, Tashi!

I was mistaken.

She was mistaken.

Besides we were discussing Mark and his unending politeness.

Are you two sleeping together? Because, I mean, I thought…

We are not.

At all.

You both answered that rather quick. Mark! Are you saying? Are you trying to admit? Are you coming into the closet?

INTO the closet?

Well when you told me you were gay you came out of the closet, right? So if you’re admitting to sleeping with Tashi here then you would be going INTO the closet, right? Or something like that.

He is far from straight.

Thank you, I think.

He is, however, afraid to be anything but polite.

No I’m not!

She has a point though. You’re awfully… HEY!

Would a polite guy have cuffed you upside the head like that?

If he was cruising for a bruising he would.

Did you just say ” cruising for a bruising?”

Yeah.

Oh, honey, no.

What’s wrong with “cruising for a bruising” that I can’t say it?

Oh nothing, hep cat. Stay in this decade, please.

Hmph. My point stands. You could be trying to not be polite to throw us off the scent.

Or we could just be fucking with you, dearling.

Hmm?

It’s possible.

Of course it is. Perhaps Jacob just said something and I ran with it. Perhaps this whole conversation has existed simply to distract you long enough to… to…

To do something horrible to you!

Exactly. Perhaps.

I doubt that.

Oh, and why is that?

Because you all love me.

Because you’re so polite?

No. Well, yes, partly. But no!

You need a kitten.

To make me less polite? Or more?

Neither. I just think you need a kitten. They’re good to cuddle.

I can’t argue with that. I wish I could, but I can’t.

So polite.

Don’t you start!

But all of this has made me thirsty. Mark, dearling, could you be a gentleman and refresh a girl’s drink?

Sure. Be right back.

He’s so polite.

He is.

Yes, almost as if he fears not being polite…

I CAN HEAR YOU!