So you honestly want to sit here and list all the things wrong with me?
Why not? I have the night free.
You’re a dick.
Thing #1, you’re too judgmental.
Oh very nice. No, why don’t we do that with you, Jacob? Hmm?
Oh Mark, Oh, silly, silly Mark. The things wrong with me? I’m too perfect.
Nice. But really why not Uwe Boll?
Because everyone knows what’s wrong with him.
I… all right, fair enough!
Yeah, see? So anyway, Thing #2! You try to weasel out of everything!
So let me get this straight. Anything I say…
Can and will be used against you in a court of Jake!
Have I told you that you’re a dick?
Thing #3! You repeat yourself!
Drink your beer. Just … shut up and drink your beer.
So I was wondering something.
Were you?
I was. Why are you like this?
Like what?!
So … refusal filled … to …
Refusal filled?
Filled with refusing? With refuse? You’re full of shit? I don’t know! That’s why I’m asking!
You aren’t asking anything, you’re just insulting me over a few beers.
Same difference.
Where’s the question, Chuck Woolery? Where is it?!
Didn’t he do the Dating Game? Are you saying the question is “Would I go out with you?” because the answer is no.
Love Connection, and but also, like, Wheel of Fortune!
That’s Pat Sajak.
No, originally it was Woolery.
Was it?
For real.
I did not know that.
Now you do.
Huh. Well color me surprised. But wait, what does this have to do with my question?
Since there is no question? Precisely nothing, my good man.
You scoundrel!
A veritable fiend.
Of Woolery proportions!
Of the proportions of a Woolery / Boll love child!
Ack! Argh! Fee fie fo and fum! Dear lord say it ain’t so!
It’s so.
All right, look, what the hell was I even accusing you of?
That I can handle my drink better than you?
That may have been it. Hey, did you ever see that show, Manimal?
Uhm, only of course. But what does that have to do…
You remind me of him.
I remind you of Manimal?
Yeah. The way you keep shifting your story. Like a… like a…
Manimal. Right. So no, I think it’s just that I expect too much out of things.
Huh? Out of Manimal? Because, buddy, it’s off the air.
Out of life. You know, what’s wrong with me? That may be it.
That isn’t it. That’s too noble to be it. It’s probably something like you want the world to be populated by talking teddy bears and since it isn’t you’re sad a lot.
Well, it’d be different, but no. No talking teddy bear fetish.
None?
Not even a little bit.
Manimal?
He was cute. When he was human.
There you go then. Thing #4! You think Manimal is cute!
I hate you.
